Beginning of the beginning

This blog is new. This blog is just beginning. I would like it to be fully formed and complete, to pop online with its message clear and purposeful, crisp mission statement in hand. 

But, alas, it is not. It is a muddled, mostly broken changeling of a blog. Broken isn’t the right word, because something must be whole first before it can be broken. So it is… in the process of being born. And being born is a very difficult and tumultuous endeavor. And let’s not even get started on the difficulties of growing, which is a process we all must go about after being born. Life is so difficult, even before it has fully begun. It is a wonder we get started at all. 

So let’s just sit back and watch a little movie. And please do try to stick with me here, in the beginning. Because of course (as the NeverEnding Story tells us) “In the beginning, it is always dark.”

January

It is January and I do not know how exactly we came to be here. There was Colorado, most certainly. There was a reunion between my Alaskan man and I which, of course, involved a good deal of feasting. There (too suddenly) were friends and goodbyes and tears at the thrift store curb as I gave away most of my belongings and crammed the rest into my car. Then there was an airplane, a wonderful departure from my old life in which O and I saw Costa Rica, a small bit of Panama, and a long upward swath of Nicaragua.  And so quickly, there we were in Colorado again, putting gas in the groaning car and driving (forever) to Montana. There was family and love and cats and sneaky nibbles of crisp turkey skin. There were more goodbyes and one more plane. Ok, two more planes. One was little. 

And now I am here in Alaska. Here in Alaska there is snow and O’s family and quiet. There will be hibernating. Broken up by bouts of danger sledding and snow rolling and copious drinking.  On a hill above Homer.  And what I am trying to say, what I am trying to get out, is this question. To myself. To you.  Should I come back, to this place? Should I try to write and show you bits of my day? What is really important?  The writing? The photographs? Does anyone really care? Do I care?

It is January. I should probably sort this stuff out.

Right Now...

Right now, I am really missing this guy. The man is tying grass around a bouquet of flowers (bogbeans and alaskan cotton to be exact) we picked on our last "lake date". Whenever I visit him in Alaska, there are several "dates" I insist upon, and although they all have different charms (who can say no to a bear date, after all?) lake date is probably my most cherished.

It is a moment for just the two of us to sneak away, paddle the canoe, take some pictures, and relax outside.  Invariably, Oli finds a moment to kick back for a little power nap!

I am going back to visit again in just a few short weeks, and I will be anxiously awaiting the moment when we can slip away to the lake together.

Here's to wildflowers, newly hatched dragonflies, power naps, and Alaskan lakes. Here's to summer, in all its lovely forms.

Making Things Happen

 
It is very easy to get caught up in the details. Worrying over the little bits and pieces, tweaking and perfecting. It is no wonder some things never get done or made at all, but just languish in the back of the closet, simmer in the back of the mind. The fear of doing something only partially, and not up to your own stringent standards often times ends up aborting the project altogether. Does this happen to the rest of you out there?

 Some days I am so overwhelmed by creative ideas, I feel like I might just burst. I scribble tight little phrases and images into a variety of little notebooks I keep around for this purpose, which later are completely indecipherable, even to me. I plot and plan and scheme until my head and my chest ache with possibility.




Then other days, the mere thought of writing or making something new is so exhausting that I simply cannot begin. Fear circles around me and chokes the good right out, swift and merciless, right at the windpipe. I feel like I will never have anything interesting to say again. That I am not an artist in any form, and that to try any of the plans or ideas I have would be to shout out to the world, "I think I am interesting and creative! Look at what I made!" and in doing so, open myself up to rejection and mockery.

Side story about this photo, with a moral. This succulent took a tumble and broke when my boyfriend accidentally knocked it off the table. I was very sad, but in an attempt to save his feelings, I put the top of the plant into a little glass, said "look, it is fine!" and forgot about it. With no planning on my part, the original plant is growing new tiny leaves and the new "baby" plant is thriving on its own. Moral of the story, sometimes you should  just go with it! Good things might happen.

Back to the me being insecure: I realize this is self defeating. I realize that I tend towards grand ideas and intermittent follow through. I want to change. I am trying to start with this post. This post is not a masterpiece. It does not embody every ideal I hold in the back of my heart of what this blog should be. It is just one post, hopefully of many, and it is a step forward. It might not be the perfect, wholly transportive vessel for my inner workings, but it is here. Right out on the internet, for anyone to see.

I hope you like it.

The subject of "stuff"

Hello and happy Friday! I hope you all have fun weekend plans ahead. I will be working some early shifts, which means I have my afternoons free. I have my mind set to getting some gardening accomplished, as well as working my way through some of my stuff. That's right, that terrifying word... STUFF.

It is a word that has been on my mind a lot lately. About twice a year, I get a familiar panicky feeling of being too overwhelmed by all the stuff in my life. I decide to go through everything I own and get rid of all the excess. And each and every time I do this, I make it through probably 20% of my things before becoming completely swamped by the enormity of it all and quit. Does this happen to the rest of you?

Enter Man Vs Debt. These people really have it down. I've been browsing around their website gathering courage. I love this quote,

"There’s nothing wrong with hanging onto sentimental items, but something needs to be done if you’re honestly trying to simplify your life because there will be memories everywhere you turn."

So many things I have been dragging around with me from state to state I really only hold on to because of sentimental ties. And because of fear. It is scary to let go, and SO much easier to just put it back in the box and put the box back in the closet. Most of these items are small, and easy to justify keeping. Until you realize you have boxes and boxes of things you never use, or even look at! All those little things add up. And when you want to travel and lead the kind of mobile life I really do want to lead, you just have to let go.

So my goal this weekend is to begin a complete overhaul of every single item I own. Sound scary? It is! But it will also be fun, and liberating. I plan to do a little each day, section by section, until I am free. The extras will move on to one of four places: Craigslist, consignment, thrift store, or trash. Wish me luck!

The Beginning

Today marks the first day of summer! Spring has gone by so quickly, and with it, a lot of projects that have been pushed to the back burner one too many times. Starting this blog, for one. So today is the day! A new beginning here, and in many other areas of my life. Here is hoping for a glorious summer for everyone. Cheers to new beginnings!