Beginning of the beginning

This blog is new. This blog is just beginning. I would like it to be fully formed and complete, to pop online with its message clear and purposeful, crisp mission statement in hand. 

But, alas, it is not. It is a muddled, mostly broken changeling of a blog. Broken isn’t the right word, because something must be whole first before it can be broken. So it is… in the process of being born. And being born is a very difficult and tumultuous endeavor. And let’s not even get started on the difficulties of growing, which is a process we all must go about after being born. Life is so difficult, even before it has fully begun. It is a wonder we get started at all. 

So let’s just sit back and watch a little movie. And please do try to stick with me here, in the beginning. Because of course (as the NeverEnding Story tells us) “In the beginning, it is always dark.”

Making Things Happen

 
It is very easy to get caught up in the details. Worrying over the little bits and pieces, tweaking and perfecting. It is no wonder some things never get done or made at all, but just languish in the back of the closet, simmer in the back of the mind. The fear of doing something only partially, and not up to your own stringent standards often times ends up aborting the project altogether. Does this happen to the rest of you out there?

 Some days I am so overwhelmed by creative ideas, I feel like I might just burst. I scribble tight little phrases and images into a variety of little notebooks I keep around for this purpose, which later are completely indecipherable, even to me. I plot and plan and scheme until my head and my chest ache with possibility.




Then other days, the mere thought of writing or making something new is so exhausting that I simply cannot begin. Fear circles around me and chokes the good right out, swift and merciless, right at the windpipe. I feel like I will never have anything interesting to say again. That I am not an artist in any form, and that to try any of the plans or ideas I have would be to shout out to the world, "I think I am interesting and creative! Look at what I made!" and in doing so, open myself up to rejection and mockery.

Side story about this photo, with a moral. This succulent took a tumble and broke when my boyfriend accidentally knocked it off the table. I was very sad, but in an attempt to save his feelings, I put the top of the plant into a little glass, said "look, it is fine!" and forgot about it. With no planning on my part, the original plant is growing new tiny leaves and the new "baby" plant is thriving on its own. Moral of the story, sometimes you should  just go with it! Good things might happen.

Back to the me being insecure: I realize this is self defeating. I realize that I tend towards grand ideas and intermittent follow through. I want to change. I am trying to start with this post. This post is not a masterpiece. It does not embody every ideal I hold in the back of my heart of what this blog should be. It is just one post, hopefully of many, and it is a step forward. It might not be the perfect, wholly transportive vessel for my inner workings, but it is here. Right out on the internet, for anyone to see.

I hope you like it.

The Beginning

Today marks the first day of summer! Spring has gone by so quickly, and with it, a lot of projects that have been pushed to the back burner one too many times. Starting this blog, for one. So today is the day! A new beginning here, and in many other areas of my life. Here is hoping for a glorious summer for everyone. Cheers to new beginnings!